If you feel that your relationship has gotten to a place where separating from your partner makes the most sense, it helps to be prepared.

You might think that you can never really be prepared for separation, but there are some steps you can take to help you set the right foundation.

Your planning will depend on whether or not you can come to an amicable separation. You can’t completely predict how your partner will respond however, so we recommend you consider each of the steps below seriously, because all of them could be useful.

Here are our best tips if you have been wondering, ‘How to prepare for separation,’

1. Inform yourself of your financial situation

This step is especially important if you have left the money management for your family mostly to your partner up till now.

You need to get the best estimate that you can of your current financial situation. This includes:

• What your assets are worth, including savings, property and superannuation
• What you and partner owe
• Credit cards, repayments etc.
• What you and your partner’s incomes are
• What it will cost for you to live separately from your partner, including if you have custody of your children

2. Inform yourself of your legal situation

The more you know the clearer your matter will be to you. Knowledge will reduce your stress levels when facing what is to come, and make communicating with your partner easier and simpler when the process of separation starts. It may make the whole process less difficult for your both.

Understanding your legal situation early may also reduce your legal costs and the time you spend getting your head around matters after separation. 

If you know what your financial situation is, what you will need to support yourself moving forward, and what you can agree to around custody and child support, this will all be less difficult and painful when the time comes.

3. Talk to a family lawyer

Most family lawyers can help clear up at an early stage some of the more pressing questions or concerns you have about your impending separation. We offer appointments over the phone or by video conference if this is more convenient or if travelling is difficult for you. 

4. Consider talking to a counsellor as well

You might feel more confident taking the step of separating from your partner if you have spoken to a counsellor about the situation.  

This could mean talking to someone as an individual about your own concerns, or talking to a relationship counsellor together to see what you can do to either stay together or to separate as amicably as you can.

Even if you haven’t been to see a counsellor yet, having the name of someone should you need this down the track can afford you some peace of mind.

5. Get copies of all important documents

You should get and put aside for safekeeping copies of all the important documents you can, including:

• Birth certificates and marriage certificate;
• Your own id and medicare details;
• Passports, wills and other legal documents;
• Bank details and account statements;
• Superannuation details;
• Mortgage documents, title to the house and any major assets.

You can scan or take photos of these documents and keep them on a USB.

6. Consider the practical arrangements

You will need to plan for any changes in living arrangements that may happen because of the separation. Will you relocate, or your partner? If there are children, who will they stay with? What will happen with pets? 

After the separation, your children should continue to feel safe and to have their needs met and well being looked after, even if their living situation changes. They also have the right to continue to have a relationship with both their parents if this is in the child's best interests (provided there is no danger to the child) - so you need to work out the logistics of how this is going to happen.

7. Consider when you need to talk to your children

When you separate from your partner there are a number of conversations that you will need to have - with your partner, your children, and family and friends, and not necessarily in that order.  

Before separating you should work out who you need to talk with and when. If there are children in the relationship, should you and your partner talk to them together, or separately?

In some situations you may talk to your kids first, or to someone external to the relationship if you need to set up a support network for yourself before you start the separation process.

You should also consider the role social media inevitably plays in these sorts of things. Who do you need to make sure is told before the news gets out on social media?

8. Needing or providing financial support

Understanding what entitlements you may have or the financial support you might be required to provide at an early stage can help alleviate some of the pressure of making the decision to take that final step towards separation.

How to prepare for separation - Final Thoughts

This is a huge step in your life, and is it easy to become overwhelmed by all the things you need to think about. Your situation will be different from anybody else’s, so the advice in this article, and any you receive from friends will at best be general in nature.

If you need to consider your own personal matter and your options, make an appointment today to chat to one of our family lawyer’s today.